For a one-off new year special, I’m writing to you guys about a subject which is brushed under the carpet in this “manosphere” community. It’s one of the many reasons why I stopped actively contributing to the blog and subsequently stopped involving myself in discussions on forums and social media. To be fair, I haven’t read a lot (well, any) of the content that you guys read these days so it may have been covered a bit more in recent times. Even so, the point I want to make remains and isn’t discussed nearly enough.
Whether you’re picking up girls and she’s got a good vibe and seems really interested in you, or you’re planning a trip and have a million ideas of what will happen, don’t expect anything. Expecting things is more often than not a one way road to disappointment.
Now, I don’t mean to seem like a killjoy or like someone who has a bleak outlook on life as that’s not the case at all. So, bear with me for a sec.
My best nights out have been when I haven’t thought about girls and whether or not I’ll pull. Everything in your life needs some sort of plan or direction, but it’s within the confines of that plan or direction that you need to erase any thoughts of what you expect to happen. For example, my plan tonight is to go out and drink at Bar X, and then Bar Y, and then Bar Z. That’s all I know that is going to happen for certain. Anything else that I think about that doesn’t transpire will leave me feeling deflated and disappointed. I will then judge my night on how I expected it to turn out, and when it doesn’t turn out that way, I deem it a failure.
The best way is to focus solely on what you can control – the fact that you’re going to 3 different bars to drink. Though, obviously that may not be a certainty, but it’s in your control whether you go to those bars or not. Pulling girls and expecting to meet lots of exciting people – that’s not in your control.
Using this method, your night will be a whole lot better. Without expectations, there is no pressure and there is nothing to measure your night up to. That’s your ticket to a clearer and more positive mindset.
When I was working last year, I had about a thousand different ideas as to how this year would turn out. I thought it would be completely social, chilled, care-free and exactly how I wanted to live my life. Over the course of the year, certain things have transpired and left me realising that I wasted so much time thinking about how things were, that when they didn’t happen, it left me feeling shit.
For example, I was gathering Facebooks and numbers of girls in Spain before I went there so that I could meet up and hang out with them, and get into their social circles. I got about 15 girls in total which was more than enough. I saw their groups of friends and pictured me integrating with them – I’d selected girls to focus on more due to the attractiveness of their friends.
When it came to arriving in Spain, thinking about all the people I’d meet, I only ended up meeting 3 of those 15 girls. Two there was no chemistry with, and the other I hooked up with. The other 12 I didn’t even get to meet with for a coffee or anything. An illusion completely shattered.
I’ve been on this journey over the past 6 months of reevaluating things such as my perspective on society and who can be trusted, what the key to a better mindset is and how I can go forward without experiencing disappointment.
The answer, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, is “don’t expect anything”.
Since I’ve pushed it deeper into my brain, my head has been a lot more levelled, my mind more relaxed, and my overall life experiences better. If I go out at night, I don’t expect to bring a girl home. I’ll just see what happens. If I make plans with my friends, I don’t expect them to come about. I’ll just see what happens. I won’t plan any ideas in my head or come up with scenarios that I want to play out because there’s nothing I can do to make them a reality.
Coming to grips with the fact that I can’t change anything in the past, and I can’t do anything about an event in the future – that I can only control what happens right now – has transformed my life.
It’s human nature to think of all the cool and wonderful things that are going to happen to you, but it’s frankly a waste of time. “If I won the lottery, I’d do this, this and this”, “this weekend, this will happen and that will happen and I’m going to this and that and this and that”. No. You won’t.
It’s nothing more than a dream happening in your head. You can play out an act as many times as you like, but when it doesn’t happen, and you’re left upset by the situation or let down, you only have yourself to blame. To preserve our egos and the choices we make, we only expect that good things happen. By freeing yourself of the burden of expectation, you don’t face the consequences of constant disappointment.
The person that buys the lottery ticket – he can only picture and expect what happens when he wins the lottery. Images flash in his head of quitting his job, buying a yacht, buying a supercar, buying a mansion, having a supermodel girlfriend – but when reality hits, and he hasn’t won the lottery and continues with his life as normal, it’s a kick in the bollocks.
When a guy meets a girl in the street and she’s bouncing around and responding to him, and she willingly gives him her number after agreeing to go out on a date – he can only picture and expect what happens when they meet up. Images flash in his head of going out for a drink with her, her being all dressed up, planning a potential relationship with her and all the cool things couples do. But when reality hits, and she doesn’t text him back, or she flakes on the date, it’s a kick in the bollocks. Everything he thought about and expected and planned was futile.
I’m sure that you reading this can relate to those two situations. I can. I’ve expected those exact things, thought about them, and played them over and over in my head only to be let down by the fact that everything I thought about was a lie.
By not expecting anything, you accept both scenarios: that you will win the lottery and go on to never have any financial worries again, or that you will continue your life as you are now. Either way, you don’t face disappointment or upsetting yourself.
By expecting something, you are putting that idea onto a pedestal, much in the same way that guys put girls on pedestals. That idea then becomes untouchable, sacred, and a perfect situation. Too good to be true, and it is. In the same way that you learn to realise that no girl or person is special and what you expect them to be, you must learn not to place your life and future on a pedestal.
By not expecting anything, you are free to live your life in bliss without a weight bringing you down. It’s almost as if you have nothing to lose when you don’t expect anything because you’ve got no perfect ideal to cling onto. So, make kick ass plans, have a direction for your future, set yourself goals, but don’t expect them to go the way you plan. It may turn out better than you expect, or it may turn out worse than you expect. One thing is for certain, it won’t turn out exactly as you think it will.
If there’s one thing that I can’t stand people saying to me, it’s that I’m “so lucky” to be in the position that I’ve put myself in.
After working tirelessly last year, I no longer have to rely on working a corporate job. This gives me a great amount of flexibility in the hours that I work, the work that I do, how much money I make for myself and most importantly: whereabouts in the world I live.
Last year, I was working 10-12 hour days under a manager that was victimising me simply because he didn’t like me. I tried speaking up, but it only succeeded in plunging me further in the bad books at work. I was going through hell.
After these mentally draining days at work where my social life was taking a massive hit because of the hours I was working, I would get home at 2am and…do some more work. I would finish work, go back home and instead of relaxing, watching TV, playing my PS3 or hanging out with a girl, I would do some more work.
I had a vision for how I wanted to live my life, and I worked hard to make it a reality. My housemate saw the progress I was making and I tried helping him out down the same path, but he would come up with excuses. “I’ve got x to do”, “I haven’t got the time after work”, “If I’m free this weekend, I’ll do it”.
The difference between me and him was that I really wanted it. I wanted to live freely and was prepared to make sacrifices in order to achieve that freedom. He was working less hours per day than me, and yet I was the one who found the time to make serious efforts in improving my working situation.
If you have a goal, you can’t simply wait for it to present itself to you. You can’t just wait for “the right time” to start working at it. That perfect moment will never come. It really boils down to this: sit your ass down and work at it.
That’s all there is to it. There’s no such thing as “I can do this” or “I can’t do this”. What I’ve learned in life is that what a situation boils down to really is “I want this” or “I don’t want this”.
If you want something, you go and get it and you have it. I always laugh when people tell me they’re the kind of person that “when I want something, I go and get it”. Yet they’re living a mediocre life, paying attention to mediocre struggles, and trapped inside a mediocre mind. Of course, if that’s what they actually want and they have it, then I’m wrong here. But, I don’t think anyone doesn’t “want” better.
For most things in life, if your attitude is that you “want” something but you’re not prepared to work for it, you may as well just say “I wish I had that”. That’s how effective you are when you say you desire something but don’t take any action.
If you say you want something, but don’t go for it, then you don’t really want it after all as far as I’m concerned.
That’s the difference between winners and losers. Winners don’t have dreams, they have targets. And they work at making those targets a reality because they want it. If you really, truly desire something, then you will work hard to have it. New job? New car? New lifestyle? You’ll see the short term pain required to achieve the long term gain.
The problem is, many people don’t want to hear about, talk about, or make any effort. What they’ll do instead, as you improve your life, is tell you what I’ve written in the title of the post.
I was catching up with a few people recently, telling them the stories I’ve had from this year so far, and I was told that I was “lucky” for being able to live where I want and see so many places. It really pissed me off.
I told the girl that said it that luck was nothing to do with where I am. I’m the product of hard work and dedication to a target. Calling someone “lucky” for being in a better position than you in life is disrespectful, in my opinion. It takes away all the hard work that you’ve done and you’re simply living a great lifestyle because lady luck was on your side.
I’ll tell you who’s lucky: a prince being born into royalty; a lottery winner; someone being born with good genetics; casino gamblers; a chance meeting with someone valuable to you; and so on.
People will use the word “luck” for the sake of ego-protection. They don’t want to have to admit that if they put in a little bit more work, then they too could have the things that the “lucky” people have. There is no esoteric among us (though there’s certainly a case for royalty) that are just gifted the world and everything that they want. There’s no such thing as privileged positions. Every famous or rich person you see has worked hard to get there. You just see the product of that hard work.
I believe that it would hurt too many people for them to admit “that famous/rich person, I too could have what s/he has if only I could be bothered to work towards it”. As I said, instead, people will hide behind the word “luck”.
I’m not lucky to be able to travel around the world whenever I want. I put myself into this position. You can too if that’s what you really want.
I’m coming to the end of my winter escape in Spain and things haven’t gone exactly as I’d planned.
In all honesty, I thought I’d have been a lot more social than I have been and I thought I’d have a social group that I’d have successfully infiltrated. I could have with one, but the girls weren’t high enough quality for me, the guys were lame, and my pickiness cut that off completely after a couple of outings.
But since I got here from day one, everything was thrown off course. The language barrier came as a shock, I’d just come off of living at home for a month in a pretty poor state so mentality I wasn’t very strong, and the seclusion of working holed up in my apartment trying to support myself plunged me further down.
My goals changed almost immediately for my time in Spain: make money, save money, and learn the language. That’s all I’ve been doing, really. I’ve banged a couple of girls and possibly have one more on the horizon before I leave next week.
Once the realisation hit me that things were going to be very different for me in Spain, I decided to knuckle down and save a load more money instead, looking forward and preparing for my venture in Croatia with Bojangles. Working for myself has been a lot more liberating and I feel that I’ve recovered from a shit year last year. My body feels back in check and I don’t feel or look so run-down from lack of sleep and stress.
The level of English here is really poor. I wasn’t expecting it to be fluent, but I was expecting a bit more than what I’ve experienced and it’s quite hard to meet guys to hang out with who are on the same wavelength as you.
The importance of having a group of solid friends, or a rat pack, has become very evident to me. I can’t survive on my own. I like living on my own, but I need to have a group of friends with me. Guys to keep me motivated, guys to chill with, guys to laugh with, guys to go out with, guys to go to the gym with, guys to drink with, guys to hit on girls with, guys to watch sport with, and guys to enjoy European ventures with.
Most importantly: guys you can trust.
You don’t want guys who are going to bitch out when you’re motivated to go out; you don’t want guys who are going to hold you back from achieving your goals; you don’t want guys who can’t help you with women; you don’t want guys who are going to hold you back; and you don’t want guys who are going to put their girlfriend ahead of you.
I’m not one for going out solo, it just doesn’t sit right with my introverted nature. I can try, sure, and I’m an extremely confident person on my best days, but I need back up. If someone knocks me down, I need friends to laugh about it with. If I’m going through a shit time, I need friends to forget about it with. If I’ve got an idea, I need friends to support it.
Rewind a year and ask me how many close friends I have that I can rely on and trust, and I could name 10. Now? At best, 4. I’ve dropped a lot of my “friends” in the past year who weren’t on the same wavelength as me or who have put their girlfriends ahead of our years upon years of friendship. I don’t have time for people who are going to hold me back or replace me at the first sign of a 7 entering their lives.
Instead, I’m focusing now on people who have stuck by me during a very testing year or so. And I’m focused on meeting more like minded people to share good times with and grow with.
A good group of friends that you know have your back make all the difference in the world. These past 3 months have really shown me just how much I value certain people and extremely importantly, that I need to make good connections for the future so I don’t have to go through what I’ve been through again.
I think being with a group of like-minded men is good not only for your mind and opportunities, but it’s good for the soul. My most enjoyable activity since I’ve been in Spain isn’t capturing my Spanish flag, but playing football every week. The camaraderie and banter between guys makes me forget a lot of other shit going on in my life and brings my own levels of confidence and arrogance up.
Had it been more regular, or had I had a group of friends to hang out with regularly, I could see myself being three times the person I am now. Not just in the opportunities I have in life, but my mental state, confidence and most likely my appearance. Getting laid and spending a time with a sexy señorita couldn’t even do this for me.
Even with your friends, there’ll be a competitive nature. Who can look the best? Who can earn more money? Who can pull the best girl? Who can lift more weights? Who can win a video game?
Competitiveness drives you forward both mentally and situationally. Your life will improve with a group of solid friends on the same wavelength as you.
The only issue is finding the guys you want to share your time with, and finding the guys who are equally as loyal to you as you are to them.
Let’s say you’re on a night out with your mates. You’ve successfully managed to get the attention of a girl you’re interested in, and you’re talking with her at the bar and everything is going well.
She’s very much into you, and you both keep drinking together, flirting and maybe even make out with each other. As the night progresses, she’s getting more and more drunk, and as a result, more and more lairy. She starts acting like a bitch towards people, she starts taking the piss out of you for her own amusement trying to get a reaction out of you, and she’s rubbing up on other guys or reciprocating their attention. Yet, you hang around still, and she’s not pushed you away.
You’ve got three choices to make.
Update: 1 million views on 5 ways to have sex without a condom
Like me, I’m sure some of you guys are asking “what the fuck is a condom?”
I’ve done some research (mainly through Google so it may not be entirely accurate) and I’ve found out that “condoms” are something you put on your dick when you want to have sex with a girl because it’s safer.
Well, how about that? You learn something new every day.
Any guys who have been reading the blog for sometime now will see the change in my direction.
To be successful at “game” and picking up women on the streets, it’s a lot more than just communicating to them that you’re confident enough to approach them and tell them that they’re “fucking gorgeous”.
Real quality girls, and the hotter girls, will see right through this. Some may give you their number, but the chances of it going any further are very slim. Game is a sales tactic. You use it as a trailer to the movie, and the movie is yourself. [Read more…]
Once most guys have learned about Game and how to attract beautiful girls, they get a superiority complex. They feel like they’ve made it in life and have finally pulled away from the realms of mediocrity by being something only a few men can be.
It’s like they’ve been granted access into a world where only a few chosen men before them were allowed to see what Game has now let them see. It was just the esoteric before them, but now any average Joe can discover Game and feel like he’s made it in life.
What Game does is open a guy’s eyes to female behavioural patterns and allows them to influence their decisions based on that understanding of their psyche. It’s nothing more than that. Having this knowledge, your life doesn’t really change much outside of getting girls.
The only thing that separates Game-aware guys and “normal”/”average” guys is the fact that they have more confidence to chat to a girl in a sexual manner, or approach a girl on the street stone cold sober. They’ll have more success with women than those that don’t have an understanding or any knowledge of Game. At the end of the day though, that’s it.
Another weekend The3Bromigos Daygame Bootcamp Review. Had 2 more lads roll up into London from the South Coast of England, good friends who had varying levels of experience. Christian came in having blasted his mind with the world of the manosphere and having engaged in impressive levels of mental masturbation and less action. Tom was new to the world and had an idea of what goes on in the light of the red pill but had not embraced it. It’s a challenge and an enjoyable one meeting two contrasting personalities and trying to tailor their approaches to the way they are and the men they aim to become. To be honest I believe that the differences are subtle and that certain methods can be applied in a similar fashion, but it’s the subtle differences that can make or break a guy’s entry into the world of Daygame.