Every day, you will come across a shithouse. People in general are shithouses. They will lie to you constantly to avoid an uncomfortable truth and avoid facing an awkward situation. More importantly, too many people allow others to be absolute shithouses to them and let them get away with it.
Some of you may not be familiar with the term “shithouse” in the context I’m using it. So, let me clear it up for you.
A shithouse is a person that has no spine or bollocks, and will happily fuck you over and lie to you in order to save face, or to get away from somewhere they don’t want to be, or to not do something they can’t be bothered to do.
For example, you lend your mate some money and he doesn’t pay you back. He keeps avoiding your calls and doesn’t answer your texts because he doesn’t want to pay it back. He’s being a shithouse.
Or, you make plans with your mate and he decides to cance for his girl. He’s being a shithouse.
These haven’t actually happened to me recently, they genuinely are just examples. I know it sounds bitter so far, but bear with me. I’m actually in a very good state of mind right now so don’t let the angry tone fool you.
The good thing about shithouses is that they’re fickle as hell. Being spineless and lacking bollocks, they respond to an authoritative character so they’re very easy to control.
Since most people are shithouses, that most likely and unfortunately includes you. People know when one another are acting like shithouses, but they’re too much of a shithouse themselves to call the other shithouse out.
This is the point of my post.
To be a man, I think it’s best to become the person that calls people out on their shithouse behaviour instead of letting negativity or awkwardness stew. Let people know that you won’t tolerate their behaviour for whatever reason instead of letting them get away with how they’re acting. This goes a long way into building your own confidence as a person but also placing yourself as higher value than the other person. By being higher value, you are therefore living more on your terms and having the world around you following your standards.
I grew up in a very negative household and when I finally reached a point in my life where I could live independently, I promised myself I wouldn’t allow negativity anywhere I lived. I would tackle problems head on to force the issue at hand rather than letting things fester and “sort themselves out”. No. I take charge and I sort things out.
This goes a long way in building stronger relationships with people because your relationships will be built on honesty. You can trust someone who will tell you exactly how things are and why they’re acting or have acted in a certain way.
Let’s take the first example I used of one guy lending his mate some money. There are a couple of scenarios to think about:
Scenario one: they are both shithouses. One asks the other for money, and the other knows he’s flaky and takes his time in paying back. Instead of saying no, he can either make up an excuse that he doesn’t have any money or he’ll hand the money over so he doesn’t have to face an awkward issue he doesn’t want to deal with. His mate will continue to do this time and time again.
Scenario two: the lender is not a shithouse, but his mate is. His mate asks him for money and knowing that he’s flaky and probably won’t pay him back, the lender says no. He tells him exactly how he is, that he’s a shithouse and doesn’t pay back and if he wants to borrow money or anything else, he has to work on himself and earn trust. This will then encourage him to fix his faults, although not guaranteed.
Of course, if neither are shithouses, there’s no issue.
Calling the elephant in the room out displays self confidence. Not allowing others to be a shithouse displays that you’re a lot more mature and have authority over them. You will always, always get a positive response from someone when you call them out on their bad behaviour because it belittles them, and nobody likes to be belittled. People these days have inflated egos and don’t want others to think badly of them, even if they say they don’t care. So, if you’re bringing to head their faults, they’re naturally going to want to repair them.
It also trains them not to pull the same stunts on you time and time again because they’ll know they can’t get away with it.
The biggest shithouses of all tend to be girls. They’ll flake on you with a shitty excuse, they won’t return your texts sometimes and create a world of lies in order to get away with something that they know is wrong.
In the past, I’ve had girls tell me flat out lies right to my face. We both have known it’s a load of shit, she’s known that I know she’s talking a load of shit, but I’ve let them get away with it. That makes me look like a weak person. How can you respect someone that just lets things like that slide?
By standing up for yourself and putting the other person down rightfully for their excuses or behaviour, you earn their respect. That’s why they’re so keen to rectify their mistakes and make it up to you. It’s why immediately after, if you tell them to do something, they’ll go and do it.
If you want to talk “alpha” and “beta”, it’s a powerful “alpha” trait to have. Girls will be drawn to a guy who has the confidence to speak his mind and sort issues out. It shows leadership.
Let’s also look at how calling the elephant in the room out will help you in interactions with others.
If something embarrassing happens to you, calling the elephant out in the room will diffuse the situation and display that you’re a confident guy. Let’s say you’re on a first date and you stupidly decide to take her for dinner. You drop some food on your white shirt and it’ll stain it. You know she’s seen you do it and she knows that you know. You can either pretend like nothing’s happened and carry on, or you can call it out and laugh about it. It’ll change the mood completely for the better.
I first learned about this when I was in sales. When I first transitioned from door to door sales to telesales, I was shocking. I hate talking on the phone and my pitches were nervous as hell. At first, I was just hoping to get by thinking they wouldn’t notice, even though my voice was shaky and I kept stumbling in what I was saying.
I decided to start telling them “sorry, I’m nervous, it’s my first day and I’m not very good”, and I immediately endeared myself to whoever I was calling. The mood in the conversation changed completely and it made the interaction a lot smoother and cut the tension in the air.
Relating this to dating also works wonders. If you’re hitting on a girl and don’t know what to say, don’t try shitty techniques like asking boring, long questions to see if she’ll spend time answering so you can figure out what to say next. Just tell her the truth and that you don’t know what to say but had to approach her.
Calling the elephant out in the room is fun, it makes you come across as an honest, self assured and confident person. However, it’s a tricky thing to do and do correctly. If you can recognise shithouse behaviour and call people out on it, you can recognise your own shithouse behaviour and work to amend it to become a better person.