I was recently in Croatia with Jimmy and I ran into a girl that Bojangles has been very friendly with over the past couple of years. She’s almost exactly what both Jimmy and I were looking for: she’s super hot for a start, very feminine, has a lot of charisma, and is intelligent to top it all off. The reason why Bojangles got her number in the first place was obvious as hell – this is the kind of girl that people scour the streets for.
Me and her have the same kind of “banter” with each other, while Bojangles is firmly in charge of any situation with her. He leads, and she follows. Her and I get on well, and even the quickest of encounters with her seemed like reacquainting with an old flame despite the fact that I’ve hardly spent any time with her.
A hypothetical question popped into my head after I said bye to her: “when can you hit on your friend’s girl?” This spurred on a conversation between Jimmy and I, and my immediate answer was “never“.
This girl has a boyfriend, and he’s a massive chump, and she’s really, really into Bojangles. She has been for 2 years, but it hasn’t progressed anywhere for a number of reasons – the main one being that he’s not in Croatia to have something solid with her, which a lot of girls are careful about over there and in particular, the high value girls like her.
Any other guy would look at the situation and see that nothing has progressed between his mate and this girl, and as a result, try and capitalise on his friend’s “failure”. See if he can strike lucky where his friend hasn’t. This is shithouse behaviour of the highest order, and any guy friends that you have that try and swoop in on one of your girls, no matter what the situation is, deserves to be binned from your life.
If you bought a Playstation 3 a few years ago and upgraded it to a Playstation 4, thus forgetting about your older model, would you be okay with your friend coming to your house while you’re not in and taking it away from you just because you don’t use it? Of course not. Why should it be the same with a girl?
When you’ve had any sort of connection with a girl in the past or in the present, or indeed if you’re trying to build a connection for the future, that girl is strictly off limits to your friends. Switching the roles around, that girl is strictly off limits to you if your friend has a connection with a girl, no matter how much you like her or how much you get on with her. Or how much you want to get into her pants.
I’ve seen posts on the internet where guys have called their girlfriends all sorts of different names because she slept with one of his friends. Either she cheated on him by shagging his mates, or shagged them soon after ending a relationship with him. In most situations, the guy who got cheated on or had his mates swoop in on his girl calls his girl a slut and rants about her. Indeed, she may be a slut for doing that, but you need to look at your mates.
Once your friend has identified a girl, in your eyes she is gone from you forever as a “target”. You should also expect the same behaviour from your friends and if not, you’ve got trouble. Anyone that you can’t trust around your “property” needs to be kept as far away from it as possible. And by that, I mean, gone from your life so he can’t interfere.
I don’t mean to label a girl as “property”, but you get the idea.
So, in answer to the question, “when can you hit on your friend’s girl?”, the answer quite simple is: never.
There are certain situations, however, where you can make way with that girl. It requires a little something called “communication” which so many people seem to struggle with these days in all walks of life.
Let me give you an example. You and your mates hit up a bar one night. Your mate starts talking to a girl and introduces her and her friends to your group. It’s obvious that the girl your friend originally started talking to likes you, but it’s your friend’s “set”. Here, instead of being a shithouse and swooping in on the girl behind your mate’s back, you need to ask him if it’s okay to do so. After all, he put in the effort to get her attention. Even if he can’t get anywhere, even if he’s insistent on trying it on with her and you can see all the signs that he’ll fail, she is off limits. Unless you get his approval, you can’t do a thing. Suck it up and move on.
Another example is this: your friend dated a girl for a while and things ended for whatever reason. You always liked her and your friend has now moved on. He built a connection with that girl you like, and she should be off limits to you. However, you think it’s been a while since he and her had that thing together and want to try your luck. Don’t go messaging her and hitting on her blindly. That makes you a cunt. Ask him if he’s cool with you hitting on her. If he’s fine with it, go ahead. If he’s not, suck it up and move on. How would you feel if it was the other way round?
It reeks of scarcity mentality having to weasel in on a girl that your friend has been with. It reminds me of when you see a guy in a bar or club lingering around a girl just because she’s said hi. That guy doesn’t want to make the effort to hit on another girl, so he hangs around and tries for the “easy” way in.
Communication isn’t hard. If you find yourself swooping in on your mates’ girls behind their backs, then you need to reassess your approach and the value that you bring to a friendship. A lot can be answered for in life by simply asking yourself how you’d feel in the reverse situation (i.e. would you like it to happen to you?).
And if your friends are trying it on with your girls, then you need to cut your mates loose.