Whether you’re picking up girls and she’s got a good vibe and seems really interested in you, or you’re planning a trip and have a million ideas of what will happen, don’t expect anything. Expecting things is more often than not a one way road to disappointment.
Now, I don’t mean to seem like a killjoy or like someone who has a bleak outlook on life as that’s not the case at all. So, bear with me for a sec.
My best nights out have been when I haven’t thought about girls and whether or not I’ll pull. Everything in your life needs some sort of plan or direction, but it’s within the confines of that plan or direction that you need to erase any thoughts of what you expect to happen. For example, my plan tonight is to go out and drink at Bar X, and then Bar Y, and then Bar Z. That’s all I know that is going to happen for certain. Anything else that I think about that doesn’t transpire will leave me feeling deflated and disappointed. I will then judge my night on how I expected it to turn out, and when it doesn’t turn out that way, I deem it a failure.
The best way is to focus solely on what you can control – the fact that you’re going to 3 different bars to drink. Though, obviously that may not be a certainty, but it’s in your control whether you go to those bars or not. Pulling girls and expecting to meet lots of exciting people – that’s not in your control.
Using this method, your night will be a whole lot better. Without expectations, there is no pressure and there is nothing to measure your night up to. That’s your ticket to a clearer and more positive mindset.
When I was working last year, I had about a thousand different ideas as to how this year would turn out. I thought it would be completely social, chilled, care-free and exactly how I wanted to live my life. Over the course of the year, certain things have transpired and left me realising that I wasted so much time thinking about how things were, that when they didn’t happen, it left me feeling shit.
For example, I was gathering Facebooks and numbers of girls in Spain before I went there so that I could meet up and hang out with them, and get into their social circles. I got about 15 girls in total which was more than enough. I saw their groups of friends and pictured me integrating with them – I’d selected girls to focus on more due to the attractiveness of their friends.
When it came to arriving in Spain, thinking about all the people I’d meet, I only ended up meeting 3 of those 15 girls. Two there was no chemistry with, and the other I hooked up with. The other 12 I didn’t even get to meet with for a coffee or anything. An illusion completely shattered.
I’ve been on this journey over the past 6 months of reevaluating things such as my perspective on society and who can be trusted, what the key to a better mindset is and how I can go forward without experiencing disappointment.
The answer, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, is “don’t expect anything”.
Since I’ve pushed it deeper into my brain, my head has been a lot more levelled, my mind more relaxed, and my overall life experiences better. If I go out at night, I don’t expect to bring a girl home. I’ll just see what happens. If I make plans with my friends, I don’t expect them to come about. I’ll just see what happens. I won’t plan any ideas in my head or come up with scenarios that I want to play out because there’s nothing I can do to make them a reality.
Coming to grips with the fact that I can’t change anything in the past, and I can’t do anything about an event in the future – that I can only control what happens right now – has transformed my life.
It’s human nature to think of all the cool and wonderful things that are going to happen to you, but it’s frankly a waste of time. “If I won the lottery, I’d do this, this and this”, “this weekend, this will happen and that will happen and I’m going to this and that and this and that”. No. You won’t.
It’s nothing more than a dream happening in your head. You can play out an act as many times as you like, but when it doesn’t happen, and you’re left upset by the situation or let down, you only have yourself to blame. To preserve our egos and the choices we make, we only expect that good things happen. By freeing yourself of the burden of expectation, you don’t face the consequences of constant disappointment.
The person that buys the lottery ticket – he can only picture and expect what happens when he wins the lottery. Images flash in his head of quitting his job, buying a yacht, buying a supercar, buying a mansion, having a supermodel girlfriend – but when reality hits, and he hasn’t won the lottery and continues with his life as normal, it’s a kick in the bollocks.
When a guy meets a girl in the street and she’s bouncing around and responding to him, and she willingly gives him her number after agreeing to go out on a date – he can only picture and expect what happens when they meet up. Images flash in his head of going out for a drink with her, her being all dressed up, planning a potential relationship with her and all the cool things couples do. But when reality hits, and she doesn’t text him back, or she flakes on the date, it’s a kick in the bollocks. Everything he thought about and expected and planned was futile.
I’m sure that you reading this can relate to those two situations. I can. I’ve expected those exact things, thought about them, and played them over and over in my head only to be let down by the fact that everything I thought about was a lie.
By not expecting anything, you accept both scenarios: that you will win the lottery and go on to never have any financial worries again, or that you will continue your life as you are now. Either way, you don’t face disappointment or upsetting yourself.
By expecting something, you are putting that idea onto a pedestal, much in the same way that guys put girls on pedestals. That idea then becomes untouchable, sacred, and a perfect situation. Too good to be true, and it is. In the same way that you learn to realise that no girl or person is special and what you expect them to be, you must learn not to place your life and future on a pedestal.
By not expecting anything, you are free to live your life in bliss without a weight bringing you down. It’s almost as if you have nothing to lose when you don’t expect anything because you’ve got no perfect ideal to cling onto. So, make kick ass plans, have a direction for your future, set yourself goals, but don’t expect them to go the way you plan. It may turn out better than you expect, or it may turn out worse than you expect. One thing is for certain, it won’t turn out exactly as you think it will.