For a one-off new year special, I’m writing to you guys about a subject which is brushed under the carpet in this “manosphere” community. It’s one of the many reasons why I stopped actively contributing to the blog and subsequently stopped involving myself in discussions on forums and social media. To be fair, I haven’t read a lot (well, any) of the content that you guys read these days so it may have been covered a bit more in recent times. Even so, the point I want to make remains and isn’t discussed nearly enough.
As we look forward to embarking on the year 2016, there are no doubt people in this world that demanded the turn of the year comes quicker to suit their impatient needs. In a generation where we are able to find the answer to all of life’s mysteries with a few touches of a smartphone that can be handily nestled in the pocket of our jeans, we have become accustomed to having our desires met in an instant.
Feeling lonely today? There’s an app for you to talk and meet someone. Feeling hungry? There’s an app to get something delivered to you. Want to fuel your materialistic urges? Click on an app and spend some cash for a short term buzz.
Want to score the girl of your dreams? Search for a few blogs about picking up girls, and maybe take a coaching lesson, and you’ll grab that 5’11 busty blonde European model that you so crave.
Except you won’t.
It’s not that simple. The ugly truth to “The Game” and picking up girls is that you can’t just read a few blog posts to learn a few lines to use on the next girl that walks past you and have her drop her knickers for you. Maybe in 6 months’ time? Well, that depends on how far along you already are.
When I first got into it all, I was bone-thin, young and lacked confidence. It took me over a year before I felt well enough in myself to be able to go up to a girl of at least an 8/10 standard and come away with the desired results. But even then, in my mind, I was sharp, focused on self improvement and humble enough to take advice on board.
What about those guys that are fat, stubborn, and want results immediately without any greater intelligence or that lack the mindset to recognise that the dating market is of animalistic nature, where it’s survival of the fittest and strongest do indeed survive? They want the magic line without the rest of the work. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it requires a lot more effort than just reading and making notes.
I’ve written in the past about my best chat up line simply being “hey”, but the results of that line are dependent on a number of different factors: inner confidence (and boy, that doesn’t come easy), a natural approach, wealth, and good looks – ranging from a good face, to a muscular build, good height and more. They all play their part. Am I saying that short people don’t have a chance here? No. There are many factors that will attract a girl. If I say “hey” to a girl and Vishnu the fat, lazy Indian dreamer who came across my blog post says “hey” to a girl, there will be different results, right?
You can take a dating lesson off of someone and you can make an immediate improvement but 9 times out of 10, it won’t last. I’ve seen countless videos of guys taking lessons from someone and at the end of the day they count the collection of phone numbers that he’s gathered. Success? That’s it, right? Mission accomplished? I can now pull any girl I want by emulating this guy?
Nope. What happens after?
What happens when the girl realises that the confidence you displayed on the day was the result of an adrenaline rush and you can’t keep that facade up when you meet later? What happens when the girl asks you about your life and you don’t have many friends as a result of your social awkwardness? Or you have no ambition to make money? Or that you don’t bother keeping yourself in shape because it’s not important to you? Well, it’s game over.
One of the biggest factors that guys seem to ignore is that girls aren’t stupid. Just like the animals in nature put on a display of their worth to budding mates, girls are also assessing every fibre of you to determine whether you are worthy of their vagina.
If you show a falter in your display, she won’t text you back. If she can tell that your whole approach is a gimmick or is scripted (you know, from those lessons you took, the words on the blog or the speech in the video you saw), she can pick up on it.
True “game” comes from those that have dedicated their lives to self improvement. The guys that have a hunger for success and chase it will always do better than the guys who are pretending to be something that they’re not in a short street interaction.
What people don’t seem to be able to grasp is that street approaches are simple. You can say pretty much whatever you want and score a number, but being able to hold onto that girl afterwards is the tricky part. That’s when you show your true worth, where you won’t be able to lie anymore, and where your standing in the sexual market place really reveals itself to both you and her – depending on whether you want to continue lying to yourself too.
Out of chasing your ambition, you will grow as a person both physically and mentally. If you’re dedicated to standing out from the rest with a great body, you will get noticed more and you will also be more naturally confident as a result – this is a lot more effective than the “fake it until you make it” advice. If you have a lot of money or are financially comfortable, you will be naturally more confident as a result – this is a lot more effective than the “fake it until you make it” advice. If you read books and travel the world sampling different cultures, you will become wiser and as a result, more confident – this is a lot more…okay, hopefully you see where I’m going.
By improving these facets of your life, your ability to not only attract the top quality girls, but to keep them onboard, will also drastically improve. You will also get to a stage where you won’t need to run around the streets or swipe through apps using gimmicky internet chat up lines – the girls will start coming to you. Well, maybe they won’t walk up to you, but you will certainly be getting a lot more invitations and that’s the battle already half won.
When I first started off, I was saying and doing all the right things to a T, but there were subtle clues that gave myself up to girls which is why I wasn’t doing as well as I wanted. Saying something to them and not totally believing in it myself was easily picked up on. You know when you talk to someone and they give you a shitty excuse about not being able to do something, or you can blatantly tell that they’re exaggerating a story for better appeal? Well, similarly, girls can tell when you lack true confidence.
Now that I’m older, I also have more success simply due to my age. I get more attention at work from younger girls than the guys of their age because the girls know that I’m more mature than the others, and have more experience in life and with women. This makes me more attractive to them.
The problem is, thanks to having everything available to us at an instant, we want those results straight away. Two years ago, I was losing out on the hotter girls because I wasn’t “developed” enough in the sexual market place. I wasn’t at the top of the pack. I tried with girls that were of model quality and wasn’t getting anywhere: I felt that I deserved them and I can see the finished product of my life in my mind, but there I was standing in front of them skinny, not truly confident in what I was doing and not having enough to say about my life.
I accepted that I had to be patient. I had to work at a few things in my life in order to get the attention that I wanted. I had to wait until I grew a little older, a little wiser, and a little bulkier before I would start seeing a noticeable difference. I get more attention now than I did two years ago, and two years from now, I’ll get more attention off of higher quality girls because I’m always looking to improve my current situation.
That’s the truth, the ugly secret. You need to be patient and work on so much more than perfecting a street approach to pull hot girls. You need to accept that some girls that you really want to have sex with prefer guys with status or money, some girls that you really want to have sex with prefer a guy who’s 110kg, or that some girls are really attracted to travellers. Conquer all of these areas and you’ll be able to have better success with women somewhere down the line. Sure, you’ll have some sex on the way, but even if you dedicate two years of your life to something meaningful and rewarding without any sex, you’ll then be a more attractive option at the end of those two years with better stories to tell and with more confidence burning in your eyes.