This article is part of a collaboration with Bojangles to explore the Indian psyche and help Indian men in the manosphere. This initial article will be mostly conceptual and theoretical but I’ll delve into more practical items later.
As Indian men, are we so different from other kind of men? Or do we think of ourselves that way? Specifically, are we as Indians above a certain group of people? Are we below them? What makes us so great? If not, what makes everyone else so great?
Are we above a certain group of people?
Our ancestors were great in certain aspects due to certain accomplishments, period. They created great structures and even civilizations, even though most people know very little about them. At least the Taj Mahal is front and center. The fuckers even fought off the British till their last breath in various altercations, some violent, others non-violent. They also gave the world flavor, through their food and culture. Yoga is but one example. Curry is another. A lot of this, the western world doesn’t really marvel at like they marvel at maybe Roman architecture or Italian food.
Now do yourself a favor and fast forward hundreds of years to where you are. Look YOURSELF in the mirror. Are you proud because all of the shit I mentioned in the previous paragraph that your ancestors accomplished? Or is it because of all of the shit that YOU actually accomplished? While your mughal ancestors built the Taj Mahal, you could be getting an engineering degree and building an awesome building in the middle of NYC. Did you? Are you shooting for it? Your ancestors fought off the British, sometimes tooth and nail. Are you going to the gym and busting your ass to get in top shape so you can defend yourself, your loved ones and weaker ones? Are you physically walking with a sense of purpose?
Are you better because of what your ancestors did or because you are making your ancestors proud by what YOU did? Think about it. I know who you are.
Are we below a certain group of people?
You are below people only if you THINK so. Do you think people look down at you because of your skin color? Maybe because you smell like curry? Or maybe you dress like the majority of Indian people that live in the Indian subcontinent? Or maybe it’s because you think you have bad genes so you’re not muscular like all those white guys? There are a myriad many factors as to why people don’t like someone. These things I mentioned are the “Indian” factors. That being said, it’s some heavy shit and I fully acknowledge, appreciate and understand each of them. These exact questions play on in the heads of a lot of Indian guys whether they care to admit it or not.
It’s in our subconscious, for some more deeply ingrained than others. As most men do, we keep our ego intact by not admitting it. It’s a shitty combination because we not only have the ego that all men have, but on top of that we have eastern social programming keeping it intact and in place until we rip it apart. A shitty combination indeed, but not impossible at all to manage if you want to.
Now let’s unravel this. Is your skin color so bad? Who said it was? Other Indian people? Or was it white people? Maybe the black people did? Indian people are sometimes the worst company for other Indian people because they perpetuate common inferior notions about themselves amongst each other. Skin color just happens to be one. This instills and reinforces the opinions as facts that in fact get deeply ingrained and difficult to break apart.
The first part of the solution is GET AWAY from these people. RUN as fast as you can. I don’t care if it’s your cousin, your dad, or you mom. GET the fuck away. Next, meet others who are different from you. Get out of your comfort zone of Indians. It’s simple, but try other kinds of food too and other activities. And be genuine with others just like you would with your Indian friends. Genuine interaction is something that is covered well by MikeCF at Danger & Play.
And progressively over time, START picturing what a masculine man is. Then, BE THAT MAN. Don’t focus on things like color of your skin because people honestly don’t give a fuck about it. If they do, it’s fine but if they do in a negative way they are truly scum; get away from them.
Another way to instill positive focus is working out and looking good. Exercising will ingrain in you that you look the way you do because of sheer EFFORT, not people’s shitty opinions and your social programming. You will start to SEE yourself from a positive light. Coordinate clothing colors with your skin complexion. BE THAT MAN.
At the end of the day, are you below anyone else because your social programming tells you or because of your own EFFORT?
What makes us so great?
You’re saying now, Oh Cobra, you just said we’re not above or below anyone and to accomplish things. But why is it so much easier for some guys to accomplish things. White guys do well in sports naturally and they are natural with those cute white girls. Why can’t Indian guys do that? I wish I was that way. I wish I was natural.
You are natural. Yes, social programming has fucked you, but you are indeed natural my brown friend. The question is how do you tap into your inner Indian programming in a positive way. Now this can be a whole topic in and of itself. However, the key is to be as social with others as you are with your own Indian friends and family. For example you fuck around with your cousin, but why don’t you do that with you white friend. It’s called frame. Maintain a consistency with your frame as much as possible and you will be rewarded. Few examples below.
Say you go out, once with a good white friend and once with a good Indian friend. Assume you BELIEVE in paying for someone you’re with (lot of Indians, including me, do). With the Indian friend, you fight for who pays the bill when you have drinks as you both want to pay. However with the white friend, you split the bill and each pays separate. Think about this. Are you doing it to assimilate into his frame because you believe in it more than your own? Or would it be better to tell him what you believe and offer to pay. The latter response is more honest and genuine but you’d be surprised how often this situation plays out as the former.
Another great one is music. We Indians do have some great dance music but when it comes to a dance floor situation with other race people, we don’t share our music. If you like it, share it, and show those white boys and girls how we go down. Don’t hold back , assimilating into someone else’s frame because of preconceived notions that their frame is better. Share and be rewarded.
Not to beat this up but, I had all of these problems I noted. My way of GETTING AWAY was through joining the U.S. Navy out of the blue. A bold move for an 18 year old skinny ass Indian kid. I went to training (boot camp). I swear, every night before lights out, I used to sit on my bunk with my legs crossed Indian style with my hands held together and eyes closed and meditated to the hindu gods. People respected that shit. And they asked me about it all the time. Point is, I wasn’t afraid to do that.
My point is, don’t change your belief system because you think others have a better one. Maybe they do but if you believe in your own belief system without having pre-conceived notions about others’ belief systems, tell them about it. And listen to theirs, and compare and contrast. They will respect you for that. It’s about being genuine, not about being Indian or not. Just be true to who you are.
What makes others so great?
In the above section, I focused on YOU primarily. This section is for focus on OTHERS. I mentioned that you should listen to others. Yes, you should but don’t fall into the Indian “culture trap.”
How many times have you just had a conversation where you mention you’re Indian and people jump on and say something along the lines of “Oh, India, I love hindu gods … Taj Mahal… curry” and you then proceed to jump on THAT fucking bandwagon by actually telling them more about all those topics. Now, instead becoming an Indian man, you became an Indian tour guide, aka “clown.” If you do know the intricacies of the different spices that make up a good curry, fine, but otherwise, back the fuck off. You are creating a false perception in others that you are defined by Indian culture only and not by your own accomplishments. It will fuck up your chances with any social circle you are building, not to mention girls.
A great way to deflect would be something like “Oh yeah, I grew up inside the Taj Mahal, raised by the local monkeys.” That’ll get people to ground themselves.
Then you can have a real conversation and ask about where they grew up. Depending on what you hear, draw upon similar experiences in your past to relate to that person or tell them how different your experiences were by starting off with “wow that’s interesting because I had a completely different experience.” You can also ask them “tell me more about xxx, that sounds amazing.”
Additionally, throw in some “that must have felt yyyyy.” Credit to Danger & Play for these.
As an Indian man, but foremost as a man, don’t rest on your ancestors’ laurels. Build your own experiences. Meet other people. Learn about them and learn from them. Be genuine with others, and get to know them at a deeper level by comparing and contrasting your experiences. There are some cool people out there. Open them up. And show them how cool you are. Be proud of who YOU are as an Indian man, not who others were as Indian men.