Yesterday, I read Roosh’s post entitled “4 Reasons Why I Don’t Recommend Direct Day Game“. It seems to have caught a bit of buzz in the PUA world and I thought I’d give my spin on it.
As he wrote in his post, he didn’t want to entice any “frothing at the keyboards” from direct gamers, and I’m not. I understand the points he’s made in his post, and I want to post the “other side” of the spectrum in a balanced way.
The thing with day game, much like anything else in life, is that there is no right or wrong. It depends wholly on your own opinions, what works for you and what you feel most comfortable with. You can also point to certain “excuses” for not bothering with direct day game as weaseling out of approaching, not being man enough for it, and so on. All a bunch of bollocks, really.
I respect Roosh a lot for what he’s built, and I’ve bought and read a couple of his books. I didn’t get much use out of them personally, as in my opinion, his “elderly opener” is a load of shit. That’s just me in my world, and as I said, it’s based on personal opinions. For me, I think it’s shite, detracts from the point of talking to a girl and ends up kind of lame when you transition from talking innocently about some random idea and then asking the girl out. You’d never catch me doing something like that because it just doesn’t fit my persona, and I feel uncomfortable doing it.
That said, I understand it. Not every guy can go up cold to a girl in the street and announce that they’re attracted to her and take it from there. For the purpose of writing a very popular book that appeals to the majority of guys (i.e. guys that can’t do direct day game), Roosh’s “elderly opener” is brilliant. It doesn’t take a whole lot of confidence, it doesn’t take a whole lot of thought, and it eases you into hitting on a girl. It’s the perfect recipe.
Obviously there is more to indirect game than just this elderly opener, and I don’t swing on one side of the fence when it comes to day game. I believe that the best type of day game is when you’re randomly walking around with no intent to hit on girls, but when you see someone you like then you approach them. Whether you go direct, indirect, trans-direct, bi-direct, pan-direct or whatever the fuck else you want to call it, it doesn’t matter.
I want to comment on the point Roosh made about that “running after girls is pedestalization”.
I understand where he’s coming from with this, and I’m actually in full agreement with it. “Pedestalization” isn’t the word I’d use, but running after a girl is very “beta”, and it can give the girl the wrong impression of you. Roosh said it reeks of thirst in behaviour, and I 100% agree.
As I wrote here many months ago, my game style is different than the “Yad stop” where you jump out in front of girls after running after them. I can’t bring myself to do that. I can’t bring myself to literally chase a girl because it just doesn’t seem right in the character I’m trying to build for myself.
You can’t call yourself a well put together man and literally chase after women on the streets. It doesn’t sit right with me.
What is more rounded to a valuable man’s persona, is calling out to the girl to get her attention instead of chasing after her, and this is what I do (as mentioned in the post I linked to above). Shouting out to a girl “hey” or “excuse me” so that she turns around is far more commanding and sets the tone you want to display a lot earlier.
If she doesn’t hear you, shouting “girl with the red blouse on” or something similar shows a lot of confidence and cockiness. She has to stop and turn around to engage you, not the other way around. I feel this is a far more effective method for day game because it subconsciously projects to the girl that you’re the prize, as she’s submitting to your frame immediately. It especially works if she’s a bit far away from you and you have to motion with your finger for her to approach you.
So, I’m with Roosh on this one. This is a major problem in direct game, and it sets up the wrong tone for you, I believe. How can you come off as cool, calm and collected if you’ve just sprinted to catch a girl up?
But, it works. My mates make it work and I’ve made it work, but it no longer sits right with me. Again, it makes me uncomfortable doing it and I have a lot more fun shouting at girls because it genuinely amuses me. So, although he says it’s a pedestalization, you can still turn things around to make yourself seem like the prize.
One thing that Roosh has written that I don’t agree with is where he says “complimenting girls as an opener is pedestalization”.
Now, in principle, yes, it is a pedestalization, but I’ve never, ever had problems with complimenting a girl on their looks from the get-go. Okay, I have once, but it was literally my first ever direct day game opener. I was nervous as hell, I didn’t know what the fuck to say to her, and I didn’t give a very good impression of myself.
Now, complimenting a girl on her looks isn’t a bad thing providing you’ve given yourself the right tools to be able to do it. For example, if you’ve built a high level of confidence that intimidates her, if you’re good looking, if your value is high and if she feels lower than your overall worth. Any of these things, you can say whatever the hell you want to her.
My general impression, and of course I may be wrong, is that if a girl says “thanks for the compliment” is because you haven’t won her over. You haven’t built the right attraction and she now feels higher value than you. This is where the “pedestalization” comes into it.
I’m a big advocate of improving your life as a man, and improving your overall worth. If you’re a long term reader of this blog, you’ll see that transition over time from the summer last year.
If you’ve given yourself the easiest ride possible when hitting on a girl, “pedestalization” doesn’t even come into it. If you’ve built your confidence up to an untouchable level through changing your appearance physically, wearing better clothes, gaining wealth and social proof, and being genuinely happy in your life, a girl will never, and I mean never, feel like you’ve put her on a pedestal.
Instead, she will feel attracted to you and turned on by the fact that you’ve chosen her to speak to. I’ve written about it before in this post – a girl will immediately be able to tell your value.
Low value guys get friendzoned and get shot down because they put girls at a higher level than them even if it wasn’t their intention to do so. A high value guy can say whatever the fuck he wants to a girl without fear of being shot down because complimenting her makes him seem like the weak one, and her the strong one.
For me, direct day game all centres around the frame you’ve built for yourself. Another thing I’ve read from Roosh before is not to use smilies in text messages with girls. Again, I largely agree with this, but it all depends on the frame you set with the girl.
If she knows you’re not a loser, if she knows you’re a high value guy, if she knows you’re confident and strong, then she’ll let you get away with anything without harming her attraction for you. I use emoji with girls all the time on whatsapp. They fucking love it.
However, if I start sending 😛 faces to girls that don’t know what I’m like, then they’ll think I’m weak and it’s not a turn on for them.
Anyway, the point is, complimenting a girl is only a “pedestalization” if you’ve not worked on yourself to become higher value than her. Case in point, if I said the exact same lines today to a girl that I did on my very first approach, the results would be massively different.
No girl since that one has ever thanked me for a compliment. If I give a girl a compliment when I do a direct day game opener with her, she simply won’t feel higher value than me because of my delivery, my persona, my confidence and the value she sees in me.
I can’t comment on Roosh’s direct day game because I’ve not seen it in action, but my guess would be that he’s not building attraction with these girls because he’s putting across the impression that they are higher value than him. Hence them thanking him.
Personally, I switch up what I say to girls every single time. I see it more as a conversation rather than a “day game set”, so I stay away from scripts. But I do compliment girls. A more natural opener for me is “I wanted to talk to you because you caught my eye”. For girls that don’t speak English very well, whether in London or in Europe, “caught my eye” isn’t a phrase that they know, so it’s much easier to tell them something like “you’re cute”, “you’re very pretty”, and so on.
I believe telling a girl straight to her eyes, with unshakeable and unmovable confidence that you find her attractive is a very strong signal. In a way, it’s almost a put down. Because you’re so confident in displaying your attraction, she gets nervous and shy, and this can only work in your favour.
So, in principle, I agree with Roosh that complimenting girls can be a pedestalization that works against you – but in such an instance you’ve only got yourself to blame. I’ve had no problem with it, and I know other guys that haven’t had a problem with it.
In the indecision of “should I go direct or indirect” with a girl, I’d say this:
- Get to the gym to build your physical presence
- Earn some money to build your confidence
- Speak to more people to build social lubrication
- Have a group of like minded friends to keep you on your toes
- Wear good clothes to be more attractive
- Strive for the feeling of being untouchably confident
- Know your real worth
Because if you put yourself in a position where you don’t feel empty inside, your confidence doesn’t take hits from outside sources, and anyone you talk to can’t overtake your value, then your results with women will improve immeasurably – and you won’t be told “thank you for the compliment”.