The Anti-PUA

I’ve written about being keen to separate myself from the PUA lifestyle and make up a few times now. I don’t want to be seen as a PUA, and I don’t want to inspire people into becoming a PUA.

At the same time, I don’t want to knock the scene because it’s helped me become who I am. I just feel as if I’ve evolved from spending hours on the streets looking for girls and running routines on them. I will still approach girls on the street, but I’m not going to follow a PUA bible on how to present myself to a girl.

The scene is there for people to use, and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to further themselves and be able to talk to girls in a way that they’ve never done before. It will truly help you become better at picking girls up.

Will it make you a better man? Well, that’s to be debated.

I wrote a post a little while ago called “Don’t Have Game, Be Game” and this is my mentality to life and picking up girls. Having it as a part of who you are means you will focus on improving yourself as a person and having genuine stories to tell people when you’re talking to them. You won’t need to over-exaggerate your positives and hide away from your negatives. You will present to people exactly who you are and you won’t have to lie to girls as I suspect many guys do.

My inner game is what I’ve focused on mostly and I believe that’s what all men should be focusing on to get better with girls. Except, I don’t do it for the girls, I do it for me.

If some people want to focus on the PUA stuff, then that’s fine by me. What they eat doesn’t make me shit. If they’re happy with that, that’s fine by me.

I just don’t see myself as a product of that kind of “game”. I think it’s very gimmicky, a lot of false bravado and an ego trip to most guys doing it. Am I guilty of doing it? Of course. I had to learn the ropes. I’ve noticed, however, that people all sound the same in what they’re doing and the routines they run. The only person I feel that breaks the mould in the pick up scene is Steve Jabba.

So, in an effort to break away from the “Matrix” of every day life, PUAs separate themselves from the blue pill people and get a bit of a superiority complex because of their new found hobby. Ironically enough, they become a mould of something else and follow a new system. That’s not for me.

I won’t name names, but I’ve recently seen a video on the manosphere about a new guy on the scene. If I closed my eyes and listened to the video approach, I could swear it was someone else who is quite notorious around these parts that taught the guy. I mean, the tone, the pitch, the words, everything. A carbon copy of someone else.

Again, that’s not for me. If it’s for you, then fine. Good luck, I hope you’re happy with your choice and you get what you want. Genuinely, that’s my view.

When I first started approaching girls, I followed a basic outline but I was always myself. The talk of “sets” and “number closing” put me off.

This isn’t a “set”. It’s a guy talking to a girl, and that’s all it should be seen as. Your inner game will make you attractive to the girl, not what you say or how you say it.

There seems to be some sort of unspoken message amongst some of the bigger people in the manosphere that if you’re not following their techniques then you’re wrong. So, for example, not running in front of a girl and turning around giving her plenty of time to see you is the only and best way to do things. “You’ll scare her off”.

I’m not saying that’s wrong, per se, I’m just saying that it’s not the only way to do things. You can’t teach confidence in someone, so the next best thing is to give them a routine. I look at some of the guys like Krauser who pulled himself along and forced himself to become better and I think that that’s why he is good with women. He’s worked hard on his confidence as a man and that’s what exudes out of him. That’s why he can get away with doing what he wants with girls. A guy who only follows routines won’t be able to get away with it.

I like to think I’m on a similar path. My approaches have changed so much so that even Bojangles, who taught me everything, was surprised to see how I was doing it. It’s a bit unorthodox but it works for me because of the state of my inner game.

It depends on the girl, obviously, and how fast she’s walking but I’ve got a very casual approach. I don’t like running in front of a girl and turning around to speak to her, or jumping out in front of a girl. It doesn’t flow naturally, to me. I also think it looks kind of lame.

If a girl is walking in front of me, I will shout to her “excuse me”. Simple as that. She’ll turn around and I’ll be able to talk to her. I can walk alongside her for a bit if needs be and eventually walk around in front of her to stop her, which is a lot more powerful than walking in front of her and putting my hand up like most videos you will see do. It displays natural dominance, not a salesman-esque dominance to stop someone in the street.

I don’t need to go through lines with girls. I cut straight to the chase and I don’t see the point in “indirectly” approaching girls. A typical approach of mine is like this:

Me: Excuse me?
She’ll turn around to face me. I’ll walk alongside her or stand directly opposite her depending on how she is standing.
Me: How good is your English?
Girl: It’s good
Me: What’s your name?

At this point, the girl will start to realise that you’re hitting on her. I first started doing this in bars and restaurants, asking a girl I just met her name and they always reacted positively, so thought I’d incorporate it into conversations with girls on the street.

I get mixed responses, some are curious about why you want to know which leads me to tell them:

Me: I saw you walk past and I think you’re [compliment]

Again, I’ll ask her her name and take it from there. If she gave me her name straight away, I’ll introduce myself and then say something like the line above.

I will then say “tell me about yourself”. It’s on her then to impress me. I have impressive things to say back when she inevitably asks, but the impression I get from opening girls the way I do and the natural confidence I display from doing it this way is what gets them. They’re automatically on the backfoot, and it’s an alien concept to beautiful girls.

Approaching girls doesn’t have to be all about peacocking, lying, exaggerating and following guidelines. It just has to be what you want to know about the girl and for me it’s very simple:

• How well she can speak English if she’s foreign
• Her name
• What she does with her life
• Where she lives

Don’t talk to girls about stuff that doesn’t matter. Just talk to them with confidence about what you want to know and you’ll find it’s easier to keep them around since you’re not always playacting in their presence, as most PUAs are.

It’s easy enough to display who you want to display yourself as on an initial approach, but it’s hard to remain “in character” if it’s not who you are.