This is somewhat of a different post to what I’ve put up before. I kind of eluded to it in my Slovakian Flag post about losing interest in her after I’d had sex with her but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now.
I’d spoken to Bojangles about it a few times and he’s mentioned to me that it’s a natural stage of progression what I’m going through and that most, if not all players/PUAs go through it. I take his word on it, as ever, but I still feel like writing about it. It’s unhealthy to keep things locked up inside.
One thing I dislike about the manosphere is that there’s a lot of false bravado in it when it comes to girls. People act like robots and it’s frowned upon to have any feelings it seems. I’ve always looked at articles I’ve read and posts on the RVF where guys are almost shamed for having an affiliation with a girl, and thought to myself that I never want to get to a point where I can’t feel something for a girl. That’s not right, surely?
But I’ve got to that point.
I think it all stems from my Epiphany Girl, who is my oneitis. Try as hard as I might not to, I can’t help but think about her every now and then. Let me make it clear though, she doesn’t cripple my game, she doesn’t cripple my life, she doesn’t cripple me looking at other girls and approaching other girls and she doesn’t cripple my state.
Since I met her back in August, I’ve had one-to-one encounters with at least 20 different girls on dates, coming back to my apartment and whatnot, plus making out with and getting numbers from at least another 20 girls. I’ve had sex with 14 of them since August, and only not made out with one of them except for a quick kiss on the lips while departing on the train from one another.
There have been 6s, 7s, 8s and a couple of 9s (other than my oneitis).
There have been fun girls, beautiful girls, sexy girls, weird girls, uninspiring girls but with something I really liked about them physically, boring girls, exciting girls, smart girls, dumb as a rock girls, and the list goes on.
I’ve met them through approaching them on the street, approaching them in bars, approaching them in coffee shops, restaurants, tube platforms and online.
They say to get over a girl to go out and find other girls. That’s what I’ve done and that’s what I will continue to do. I love girls.
However, none of them have replaced the “magic” and “spark” that I had with my oneitis all the way back in August. Some of the girls have been hotter and younger than her, but I still find myself comparing them all to her and none of them have even come close.
I’m not sure why this is. If I look at it objectively, I’d say it’s because she was my first really hot girl that I’d ever been with which has left an impression on me. There’s also that I feel for some reason that I need closure by seeing her again, because after that one week, despite being really into each other we never saw each other again when we had so many plans.
Everything was new with her, I’d explored different things with her and that’s added to her appeal because now with girls (who every blue pill person I know would say I’d be off my head to get rid of) nothing is new. Nothing is as exciting. I know what to expect, I know the shit tests, I know the answers to questions, I know the signs, I know how to steer it in my favour, I know where things are leading before the girl even says anything. Not one girl, despite there being a plethora of beauty, has knocked me backwards like my oneitis did.
I’m only human, I’m not a robot.
In a way, I appreciate having this. It keeps me motivated to approach more girls to keep looking for someone who is exciting and who can give me that magic again. At the same time, I feel strange not being attached to these girls that a year ago I would’ve killed for and wouldn’t in a million years have seen myself as having the ability to pull them.
My Slovak for example, I can see her falling for me and all I can think about is the time when I’ll inevitably have to break her heart. I enjoy her company, she’s a really sweet girl, she’s great in bed, she’s young, she’s got an amazing body, she gets heads turning all the time when we’re out together and yet, I wouldn’t be that bothered if she left my life completely tomorrow.
On one hand, it doesn’t mean that much to me saying that. On the other hand, that’s a really fucked up thing to say. Either way, I’m just not arsed because I know I can go and get another girl if I go and put the effort in. The only reason I’m not putting that effort in at the moment is because I have an image of Jimmy in my head telling me to save money!
I know this hasn’t been my usual upbeat post, but I felt like I had to write it down. I’ve held on for a long time that whenever my oneitis is back in London, I can take her out and we can reacquaint with each other even for a small time, but that possibility to do is there. Today, I learned that it’s not there and that she’s living with her new boyfriend.
In a way, I feel like there’s a new dawn coming. That possibility isn’t there, so there’s nothing to hold on to anymore. Whether this makes me start having feelings, or stronger feelings, for the girls I date in the near future I don’t know. But I feel a bit more free in that knowledge.
I’m looking forward to next year more and more every day. Details to come soon.