I’m not going to fill this post with clichéd quotations that get banded about by the uninspiring people on your Facebook. It’s not all directly about preparing with women either but preparation for everything in your life, no matter how small what you’re doing is or large.
I’ve had a few encounters recently that got me thinking, and I wondered why when I’m out in the city, going to work, traveling somewhere, or whatever else it is, I seemed to be the only person around me that knows where I’m going and what I’m doing. I’m able to walk around looking effortless while the people around me are looking around and acting in a frenzy because they don’t know their surroundings or what they’re supposed to be doing in them.
One of the examples that got me thinking the most is when I’m coming out of the tube. When I’m literally
stepping off the train. I’m trying to walk down the platform to either get out of the station or get to another line to catch another train and no matter which carriage I’m coming from, there will always, always be people getting in my way. There will be people stood there, either alone or in groups, right in the middle of the platform looking around for a sign for where they have to go next. They’re not stood still, either. They’re swaying around, taking little steps staring up at the walls trying to work out where they have to go and seemingly oblivious to the hordes of people whose way they are in.
So I was thinking to myself, how have you not prepared for your journey? How have you managed to get lost on something as simple as the underground?
For anyone that’s not been on the London Underground, there are multiple signs all down the walls of every platform with directions to the other lines and the exits. You can see them as the train pulls into the platform out of the windows.
What I do, whether it’s a station I know or not, is look out of the window and look for the sign pointing to the direction I need to go in when I step out. This allows me to not get in people’s ways and makes me look calm, collected and that I know what I’m doing. This is especially good when you’re taking around a little European girl who doesn’t know London too well and is relying on your leadership to get her to where you’re going. That persona doesn’t really work if you’re bumbling about on the platform looking which way to go and trying to work out which tube you need next.
Something as simple as that needs preparation. Imagine everybody on every train in London did that one little bit of preparation before getting off the train and I guarantee there would be less havoc on the platforms.
Now, it’s not a massive life changing bit of advice but you can see where I’m coming from. Preparing for everything makes your life that little bit easier, saves that little bit of time and aids you in how people will interpret you.
People love someone who is organised and prepared for the occasional set back where you can brush it off and change your plan at the click of your fingers. Not just women, but people in general love it. Have you ever been to a job interview where maybe things didn’t last as long as planned, and you’re sat around waiting for the next person you’re supposed to meet? The recruiter who did your first interview gets a bit flushed that things aren’t going to plan and magics up some solution to the problem which leaves you thinking “do these guys know what they’re doing?” Would you want people to ask that question about you? How do you feel seeing people make things up on the spot and panicking when their original plan doesn’t work out? Do you think they’re professional? Do you trust them more or less?
I had a bit of an unconventional date on Saturday with the little Slovakian girl I mentioned in my post last week. I don’t normally go out on Saturday nights for dates because it’s the busiest night of the week, bars are packed out and your logistics get ruined. However, schedules didn’t allow another night of the week and we went out on Saturday.
She doesn’t drink much alcohol, so doing the 3 Bar Bounce wasn’t going to work for me. Before the date, I had to think of another idea and what places we could go to. I don’t normally do it, but I took her for dinner before bouncing elsewhere. I didn’t know what food she likes and I wasn’t going to text her to ask her so she knew what I was planning. Instead of walking blindly into whatever restaurant that night that we felt like going to, I made 4 reservations in 4 different places so that if she didn’t like one, we could go to another without the worry of turning up and standing around waiting like idiots. We met up and were walking down the street and throwing casual questions to each other and I was trying to get a hint of what food she likes. We settled for Thai, turns out it’s her favourite and I’d already booked a table for 4 in a packed out restaurant. That’s the good thing about booking for 4 in advance, they won’t sit the two of you on a tiny, cramped table for two.
So, I knew I couldn’t take her to three bars, but I know the importance of going to three different venues with her to build that comfort and giving me a good chance to escalate at each place. I also thought of something that would really make her eyes open in delight and seemed completely random to her, even though I had it all prepared.
We were walking down the street, seemingly to her heading to the restaurant. However, I took us down a different path near some shops to get her into one which I know all girls love. This was the first venue and was great for comfort building.
There’s a little retro sweet shop that imports loads of different sweets and chocolates from America that Europe used to get when we were kids but no longer do. Things like Lucky Charms, Nerdz, Jolly Ranchers and all that. So, we’re walking down the street, all planned by me, when we walk past the shop. She hadn’t noticed it despite the neon green sign outside of it and I say to her “hey, look at this. Let’s go in”. Great acting skills, I must say. You should’ve seen her little face when she got inside. She was in Heaven. It got her talking about her childhood and she was associating those good memories and the feelings and emotions they bring back to her with being with me. We spent 15 minutes in there, I’d planned it all and we came out with her arm locked into mine.
I’ve stressed the importance of preparing for a date with a girl before and even though I had to change my strategy, knowing the area I was taking her to worked in my favour. Had I not known the area, I would’ve scoped it out before meeting her for little gems like this.
When stopping girls on the street to chat to them, I’m always prepared too. I don’t just walk up to a girl and wing it with her, but as I’m approaching her I’ll take a look at her and see what I can find to tease her about or compliment her about so I can just throw it out, instead of stopping her and trying to work it out. This makes my opening smoother and more relaxed, and I look a lot more composed and genuine for stopping her.
I’ll also come prepared with a few lines that if my first plan didn’t work, I can whip them out and respond straight away instead of taking a step back and thinking in front of her and losing my frame. If she tells me she’s in a rush, I have an answer prepared for that. If she tells me she has a boyfriend, I have an answer prepared for that. If she tells me she doesn’t speak much English, I have an answer and routine prepared for that.
It’s all about working a military strategy with your life. It does require a bit of background work behind the scenes but when you’re out there whether on a date, simply getting the train or chatting up a girl on the street or in a coffee shop, you’ll be prepared for every outcome. This throws people off. They like to think they’re in control and by pushing you back, they have that control. If it’s something you’ve planned for, it won’t work for them and they’ll be the ones thrown back at your assertiveness and being unshaken by something either scathing to you or a rejection.
One of the best examples I can think of is a Neil Strauss routine. The saying “you have won the battle but I’ve won the war” comes into mind and is exactly how you should live your life. Prepare for winning the wars, not the battles. I haven’t used the routine yet, but I plan to.
The game is to ask the girl 5 questions and she has to answer them all wrong. You can make a bet with her, she has to kiss you if she loses or she has to buy you a drink. Something like that. Anyway, it’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about, letting someone think they’ve won when you’ve been preparing for it all along, only to to win the war. Let everything in your life be pre-ordained. Not by a higher power, but by yourself.
What city are we in?
What’s your name?
What’s the colour of the shirt I’m wearing?
Then you ask, super casually as if you’ve actually forgotten:
What question number was that?
She answers “14”. She’s playing the game still and winning. Good. You say:
Ahhh, you got me!
Seemingly, the game is done, she has won and she will be happy.
Have you played this game before?
No, I haven’t!
You win on the fifth question. Military strategy, my friends.